Happy parents make sure they DON'T do these things
Some parents just feel great about themselves and their parenting. What can they teach the rest of us?
1.) Happy parents don’t forget to celebrate THEIR CHILD’S STRENGTHS
When my older son was an infant, he started walking at 8 months. By 9 months, he was running. He was afraid of nothing, and afraid of no one.
It was exhausting.
When we would go to the park, I remember noticing moms who could sit on the bench, their toddlers playing happily by their feet.
“Bench sitting looks so relaxing,” I would think. “I wish I had a bench-sitting type of kid.”
But I didn’t have a “bench-sitting” kind of kid. I had an "always-on-an-adventure, afraid-of-nothing" kind of kid.
Bench-sitting kids have strengths. So do non-bench-sitting kids. One isn’t better than the other, and being the parent of one isn’t better than being the parent of the other.
But while I was wishing my child was different, I wasn't able to notice and appreciate his strengths. My kid has wonderful qualities. I just had to lean into them and appreciate them.
HAPPY PARENTS celebrate their child’s personality, instead of thinking the grass is always greener.
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2.) Happy parents don’t forget to appreciate THEIR STRENGTHS
I let my kids do iPad time too much, I dread Little League games, and I let my kids wear sweatpants on major holidays--these are not great qualities.
But I also really excel at sledding, love playing football, and I’m great at reading bedtime stories.
The point is we all have STRENGTH and WEAKNESSES as parents. Lean into your strengths. Celebrate the things you do well. Let things go that you don't do well.
Who cares what you don’t do well? Modeling acceptance of yourself is a wonderful thing for kids to learn.
Happy parents remember they are pretty wonderful, despite their faults.
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3.) Happy parents don’t carry shame about their parenting “mistakes”
You are doing the best you can. Even when you feel discouraged/disappointed/upset with yourself. Carrying guilt or shame is no way to be happy.
Share with your kids when you are feeling regret, and when you would like to do better. This models humility, resilience, and acceptance.
It doesn’t matter how rough yesterday was. All parents sometimes say and do things they regret. The brain is constantly rewiring, and you can create new patterns with your child. You can always strive towards connection. The only shame would be in assuming things can't improve.
