Handling DEFIANCE

As parents, it can be very unsettling when children lie to us. While lying is a very normal part of childhood development, there are reasons that highly sensitive children may be more prone to lying. And so we want to look underneath the behavior to better understand why they are struggling to tell the truth. Also, how we respond will make a difference as to whether our child is able to tell the truth in the future.

Have you ever thought, “If only my partner would parent differently, life would be so much easier?” You’re not alone. Parenting differences are incredibly common--and incredibly frustrating. Especially when raising a highly sensitive child. The good news? You don’t have to agree on everything to be an amazing team. Instead of trying to change your partner, try these three strategies to create more harmony: ​ ​ 1️⃣ Get Curious, Not Combative Instead of reacting with frustration, try asking, “Help me understand what's most important to you in this situation?” Your partner has a good reason for what they do as a parent. When we assume good intentions, and seek to understand, we are more likely to get good will and openness in return. Most parenting comes from a place of deep love. When we understand our partner’s heart and thinking, we are more likely to find areas of common ground. ​ 2️⃣ Appreciate the Balance Parenting differences can actually benefit children! Parenting differences can be complementary. Different perspectives makes the family system stronger. Think of the differences like having different types of tools in a toolbox, rather than having a hammer only. With diverse tools, you can fix more things than if you only had a hammer. ​ 3️⃣ Lead by Example The best way to influence your partner’s parenting? Show, don’t tell. When one parent can stay calm during a meltdown, or hold a peaceful boundary—the other partner is way more likely to adopt what works. When children respond positively, your partner will be noticing. Leading by example is incredibly powerful. ​ ****************** ​ Would you love to be on the same parenting page with your partner or coparent? Would you love a more peaceful, connected home? Let’s talk. Together, I’d love to help you and/or your partner break patterns that aren’t serving you and your family. Maybe you’d like to be better at staying calm and not losing your temper. Maybe your partner wants to do this. Maybe you’re fighting with your kids over every little thing. Maybe your preschooler only wants one parent, and you’re not sure how to change this pattern. Whatever the challenge is, I’d love to help create a more peaceful home for you and your family.

Parents, I see you--beating yourself up. Criticizing your parenting. Feeling like a failure. I get it. I know you have impossibly high standards for yourself. Y ou want to be PERFECT. You want to get it right, the first time, every time, as a parent. I get it. You care so much, and your heart is so big and strong. Then, when you aren’t perfect, which, newsflash, WILL HAPPEN, you make it mean that you’re failing. That you’re not good enough. But this story is NOT THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU AS A PARENT. Yes, you are imperfect. (Like every person to ever exist.) And, yes, you will make mistakes. (Like every person to ever exist​.) ​ But you are lovable and perfect in your imperfection, like your child. You are learning and making mistakes, like your child. You deserve compassion and love, like your child. You can learn and grow and change, like your child. ​************ If you’re ready to ditch the guilt and shame as a parent, and grow in self-compassion and love, we should chat. I know how easy it is to judge yourself and create a shame story about yourself. But the pressure this creates doesn’t serve you, your child, or your relationship. If you’re ready to ditch the guilt and create more self-compassion, love and connection, I’d love to help. If you’re ready to hold yourself with more gentleness and understanding, let’s schedule a free call together, and create a plan for you to have more peace and connection in your home.

When you and your child have a blow-up, where there was explosive anger, or you behaved in ways you regret as a parent, it can damage the relationship unless we understand how to repair afterwards. This involves taking responsibility for our part in the conflict, recommitting to the relationship, and collaborative problem-solving around what we can do differently next time.

When kids are rude, it’s easy to think they are intentionally trying to be difficult and defiant. But kids are rarely rude for the reasons we think. Instead, rudeness is typically a defense against more vulnerable feelings, like pain and overwhelm. By helping kids open up, we can typically stop rudeness and help them express feelings in healthier ways.

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Highly sensitive kids thrive with a more gentle kind of discipline, rather than traditional strategies like time-outs or threats. Positive discipline teaches kids the skills they need to manage their emotions, make good decisions, and grow into confident, compassionate individuals. By focusing on connection, empathy, and problem-solving, you can guide your highly sensitive child in a way that strengthens your bond and builds their emotional resilience.

For sensitive families, the holidays can feel like a lot. There can be a lot of overwhelm from the busy schedule, social gatherings, travel and more. If you are feeling stressed as a parent, you are not alone. Here’s what can help lower your stress level and increase your family’s joy during the holidays.

If you’re raising a highly sensitive child, you’ve probably noticed how much they thrive on predictability. Change, newness, or surprises can often trigger inflexibility, meltdowns, oppositional behavior and anxiety. By creating predictable routines, we can create more peaceful, connected homes for highly sensitive kids and their families.