Blog Layout

How to Create Secure Attachment with Your Child

Ceara Deno, MD • October 21, 2024
Schedule A Free Call

How to Create Emotional Safety with Your Child

Maybe you've heard about attachment styles? Attachment styles are the blueprints we carry from childhood that form a model for our future relationships.

  • These blueprints tell us what is and isn’t safe in relationship.
  • They tell us whether to trust ourself and others.


When we are lucky enough to have inherited a secure attachment style as a child, it is a gift that creates more emotional and mental health for our lifetime. 


It makes us more resilient, with more self-confidence, and healthier relationships. 


Have you ever wondered about your child’s attachment style with you? Do you and your child have a secure attachment? 

  • Is your child learning to trust themself? 
  • Is your child learning to trust other people? 
  • Is your child learning it's safe to be vulnerable? 
  • Is your child learning they deserve help with their emotions? 

How do you create a secure attachment with your child...even when you didn't learn this growing up??

I know this journey. 


I’ve been on this journey with my own kids. 


Growing up, I did't have secure attachment with my mother. 


Our relationship was not a safe place. 


I could not share my true emotions or needs, so I learned not to share things. 


I internalized that connection was elusive, and something I had to work for. 


This created some longterm pain and suffering for me. 


So, when I had my own kids, I knew I needed to do things differently. 


I learned about conscious parenting. 

I learned about non-violent communication. 

I learned about attachment styles. 

I learned apology, and how to repair after a rupture. 


After years of work, I created with my kids what I didn’t have growing up: 


A secure attachment.

My kids and I now have a relationship based on: openness, trust, vulnerability and direct, compassionate communication. 


We have a relationship that is strong and healthy enough to handle any challenge:


  • We can laugh and repair when we have conflict. 
  • We can use anger to recommit to make things better for the future. 
  • We can welcome strong feelings, without it damaging the relationship. 

Do you want this in your home too? 

Do you want a more secure attachment with your child? 


Here are 6 ways to create a secure attachment with your child, ensuring a more emotionally healthy future for them:

1.) Welcome emotional honesty and vulnerability

Kids need to know that we welcome their honest feelings--even when feedback is hard for us to hear. When kids learn that their true feelings are safe, and even welcomed, it builds trust in the relationship. 

2.)  Ask consent:

Kids need to be able to consent before having difficult conversations. When we ask, “Is now a good time to talk about what happened this morning,” we create a culture of respect for everyone’s feelings and needs. 

3.)  Don’t take behavior personally:

When kids are in a bad mood, or having a bad day, they need to know that we will not take that personally. This creates the safety in the relationship that they are not responsible for our feelings. 

4.)  Take accountability and model apology:

Taking accountability for mistakes and apologizing is a way to show that vulnerability is safe. This might sound like, “I heard my tone and it was rude. Let me try that again.” When we do this, we create a relationship where both people are safe to be vulnerable. 

5.) Assume good intentions:

Sometimes kids are going to behave poorly. When we remember their inherent goodness in our hearts, and assume they are simply a good person having a hard time, we create a safe place for them to be human and imperfect. 

6.)  Show empathy:

When we care about our child’s feelings, even when those feelings seem silly to us, or we disagree, we create a relationship where our child feels seen and know. This feeling of being seen and known is the foundation for self-trust and confidence. 

I hope these are helpful. 

I'd be interested to know, What your favorite way is to create an emotionally safe relationship with your child?

And if you’re ready to take this work to the next level and create an emotionally safe, secure relationship with your child, let’s schedule a call and chat. 


Click on the orange "Schedule Now" button below to schedule a free call.


By Ceara Deno, MD February 21, 2025
As parents, it can be very unsettling when children lie to us. While lying is a very normal part of childhood development, there are reasons that highly sensitive children may be more prone to lying. And so we want to look underneath the behavior to better understand why they are struggling to tell the truth. Also, how we respond will make a difference as to whether our child is able to tell the truth in the future.
By Ceara Deno, M.D. February 11, 2025
Have you ever thought, “If only my partner would parent differently, life would be so much easier?” You’re not alone. Parenting differences are incredibly common--and incredibly frustrating. Especially when raising a highly sensitive child. The good news? You don’t have to agree on everything to be an amazing team. Instead of trying to change your partner, try these three strategies to create more harmony: ​ ​ 1️⃣ Get Curious, Not Combative Instead of reacting with frustration, try asking, “Help me understand what's most important to you in this situation?” Your partner has a good reason for what they do as a parent. When we assume good intentions, and seek to understand, we are more likely to get good will and openness in return. Most parenting comes from a place of deep love. When we understand our partner’s heart and thinking, we are more likely to find areas of common ground. ​ 2️⃣ Appreciate the Balance Parenting differences can actually benefit children! Parenting differences can be complementary. Different perspectives makes the family system stronger. Think of the differences like having different types of tools in a toolbox, rather than having a hammer only. With diverse tools, you can fix more things than if you only had a hammer. ​ 3️⃣ Lead by Example The best way to influence your partner’s parenting? Show, don’t tell. When one parent can stay calm during a meltdown, or hold a peaceful boundary—the other partner is way more likely to adopt what works. When children respond positively, your partner will be noticing. Leading by example is incredibly powerful. ​ ****************** ​ Would you love to be on the same parenting page with your partner or coparent? Would you love a more peaceful, connected home? Let’s talk. Together, I’d love to help you and/or your partner break patterns that aren’t serving you and your family. Maybe you’d like to be better at staying calm and not losing your temper. Maybe your partner wants to do this. Maybe you’re fighting with your kids over every little thing. Maybe your preschooler only wants one parent, and you’re not sure how to change this pattern. Whatever the challenge is, I’d love to help create a more peaceful home for you and your family.
By Ceara Deno, MD February 3, 2025
Parents, I see you--beating yourself up. Criticizing your parenting. Feeling like a failure. I get it. I know you have impossibly high standards for yourself. Y ou want to be PERFECT. You want to get it right, the first time, every time, as a parent. I get it. You care so much, and your heart is so big and strong. Then, when you aren’t perfect, which, newsflash, WILL HAPPEN, you make it mean that you’re failing. That you’re not good enough. But this story is NOT THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU AS A PARENT. Yes, you are imperfect. (Like every person to ever exist.) And, yes, you will make mistakes. (Like every person to ever exist​.) ​ But you are lovable and perfect in your imperfection, like your child. You are learning and making mistakes, like your child. You deserve compassion and love, like your child. You can learn and grow and change, like your child. ​************ If you’re ready to ditch the guilt and shame as a parent, and grow in self-compassion and love, we should chat. I know how easy it is to judge yourself and create a shame story about yourself. But the pressure this creates doesn’t serve you, your child, or your relationship. If you’re ready to ditch the guilt and create more self-compassion, love and connection, I’d love to help. If you’re ready to hold yourself with more gentleness and understanding, let’s schedule a free call together, and create a plan for you to have more peace and connection in your home.
By Ceara Deno, MD January 27, 2025
When you and your child have a blow-up, where there was explosive anger, or you behaved in ways you regret as a parent, it can damage the relationship unless we understand how to repair afterwards. This involves taking responsibility for our part in the conflict, recommitting to the relationship, and collaborative problem-solving around what we can do differently next time.
A close up of a little girl 's face smiling.
By Ceara Deno, MD January 21, 2025
When kids are rude, it’s easy to think they are intentionally trying to be difficult and defiant. But kids are rarely rude for the reasons we think. Instead, rudeness is typically a defense against more vulnerable feelings, like pain and overwhelm. By helping kids open up, we can typically stop rudeness and help them express feelings in healthier ways.
By Ceara Deno, MD January 14, 2025
The body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.
By Ceara Deno, MD January 3, 2025
Defiance can be one of the most challenging behaviors for parents to navigate. When your highly sensitive child digs in their heels or refuses to cooperate, it’s easy to feel frustrated or unsure of what to do. But it’s important to remember that defiance is often a signal that your child is overwhelmed, scared, or struggling to express their needs. Here are 5 tips for handling defiance with your highly sensitive child.
By Ceara Deno, MD December 30, 2024
Highly sensitive kids thrive with a more gentle kind of discipline, rather than traditional strategies like time-outs or threats. Positive discipline teaches kids the skills they need to manage their emotions, make good decisions, and grow into confident, compassionate individuals. By focusing on connection, empathy, and problem-solving, you can guide your highly sensitive child in a way that strengthens your bond and builds their emotional resilience.
By Ceara Deno, MD December 19, 2024
For sensitive families, the holidays can feel like a lot. There can be a lot of overwhelm from the busy schedule, social gatherings, travel and more. If you are feeling stressed as a parent, you are not alone. Here’s what can help lower your stress level and increase your family’s joy during the holidays.
By Ceara Deno, MD December 10, 2024
If you’re raising a highly sensitive child, you’ve probably noticed how much they thrive on predictability. Change, newness, or surprises can often trigger inflexibility, meltdowns, oppositional behavior and anxiety. By creating predictable routines, we can create more peaceful, connected homes for highly sensitive kids and their families.
More Posts
Share by: