Hitting Kicking Tantrums Meltdowns Whining Aggression
Hitting
Kicking
Tantrums
Whining
Aggression
What do these have in common? They're signs a child is in a scary place: “The Tower of Isolation and Powerlessness.”
Yup! The Tower of Isolation and Powerlessness (credit for this metaphor to the brilliant child psychologist Larry Cohen!).
This is a terribly scary place where, once kids go, they don’t know how to get out.
Kids become locked in the tower because they need more connection with us, but don’t know how to ask.
It’s happens especially when life feels overwhelming, or involves a lot of changes (like starting school, moving, having a new baby, divorce, etc).
Locked away, kids feel alone, out of control, scared and unlovable. They don’t know how to ask for help.
They act miserable, jerky, annoying, aggressive. They whine, cry, hit, or all three.
Understandably, we feel alarmed, frustrated, annoyed, angry. We feel powerless. We feel isolated too.
We often end up in our own Tower of Isolation and Powerlessness:
“I give up.” “Nothing I do helps.” “Why does he always have to be so difficult??!”
Sound familiar?
The way out of the tower is PLAY.
Play is how we reconnect. It unlocks the tower doors. It breaks the isolation. It releases the stress of being powerless.
But figuring out how to do this can be challenging. It doesn’t always go smoothly. Children locked away in the tower need our help to play. When we reach out, we are often met with aggression, or anger.
Need support?
Want to figure out how to reconnect with your child in moments of stress. Let’s connect and figure it out.
Book a coaching session here: https://sweet-spot-parent-coaching.ck.page/products/one-on-one-coaching-session
