Blog Layout

Conscious Parents don't vaccinate, and other lies about Conscious Parenting

Ceara Deno, MD • December 30, 2020
Schedule A Free Call

Top 5 Lies about conscious parenting

I want to start 2021 with my list of the top 5 lies about conscious parenting.


  1. Conscious parents are naturally patient.


I am living proof this is not true!  When I want something, I want it yesterday.


But in conscious parenting, I own my side of the street. I am responsible for my own feelings and for self-regulating. This means I'm responsible for finding ways to calm myself down when I feel triggered. This means communicating directly with my children I find my patience is worn thin.


I may say to my kids: “I’m having a hard time right now because I am tired/worried/stressed/upset.”  This let’s me model emotional awareness and taking responsibility for my own feelings and behavior, instead of lashing out at them.



2. Conscious parents allow anything.


This is a giant misconception. Without punishments, anything must be OK, right?


Nope! Conscious parents have gotten in touch with their deepest values as parents, so they have an easier time saying both YES and NO, because they know what is important in their parenting and why. This also makes them more flexible, because they understand what their longterm goals are for their children, which helps them be more creative in the moment in trying to meet those goals.


Conscious parenting means helping our children learn how to behave through learning and problem-solving, and not through fear. 


3. Conscious parents create spoiled children. 


This may be the biggest general societal misunderstanding—that children loved unconditionally will become monsters with no consideration other people’s feelings.


This is a gross misunderstanding of how love and behavior interact. Conditional love—showing love in response to certain behaviors—creates distrust, resentment, anger, and low self-esteem. On the other hand, unconditional love—love regardless of behavior—creates trust, respect, high self-esteem. Conscious parents create children who feel loved, and who know how to love others and themselves unconditionally.  This is not narcissism, this is healthy.



4.  Conscious parents are constantly selfless and prioritize their kid’s happiness over their own.


Society has unhealthy standards for parents—especially mothers—of continual martyrdom and self-sacrifice.


Conscious parents realize that selflessness will only get you burnt out and resentful. Conscious parents realize how much more fun parenthood would be as a full person--one who maintains interests and needs and hobbies and preferences!


Conscious parents realize that kids and adults both have needs, and the best solutions prioritize getting EVERYONE’S needs met.  



5.  Conscious parents don’t vaccinate. 


Conscious parents know that everything has risks, but that the risks of non-vaccination are greater than the risks of vaccination.


I have studied medicine now for more than half my life, and I vaccinate myself and my kids. My colleagues who are physicians and nurses also vaccinate their kids.


We all have to make decisions with limited information, but this is a situation where a vaccine is better than no vaccine. Just do it. 



By Ceara Deno, MD February 21, 2025
As parents, it can be very unsettling when children lie to us. While lying is a very normal part of childhood development, there are reasons that highly sensitive children may be more prone to lying. And so we want to look underneath the behavior to better understand why they are struggling to tell the truth. Also, how we respond will make a difference as to whether our child is able to tell the truth in the future.
By Ceara Deno, M.D. February 11, 2025
Have you ever thought, “If only my partner would parent differently, life would be so much easier?” You’re not alone. Parenting differences are incredibly common--and incredibly frustrating. Especially when raising a highly sensitive child. The good news? You don’t have to agree on everything to be an amazing team. Instead of trying to change your partner, try these three strategies to create more harmony: ​ ​ 1️⃣ Get Curious, Not Combative Instead of reacting with frustration, try asking, “Help me understand what's most important to you in this situation?” Your partner has a good reason for what they do as a parent. When we assume good intentions, and seek to understand, we are more likely to get good will and openness in return. Most parenting comes from a place of deep love. When we understand our partner’s heart and thinking, we are more likely to find areas of common ground. ​ 2️⃣ Appreciate the Balance Parenting differences can actually benefit children! Parenting differences can be complementary. Different perspectives makes the family system stronger. Think of the differences like having different types of tools in a toolbox, rather than having a hammer only. With diverse tools, you can fix more things than if you only had a hammer. ​ 3️⃣ Lead by Example The best way to influence your partner’s parenting? Show, don’t tell. When one parent can stay calm during a meltdown, or hold a peaceful boundary—the other partner is way more likely to adopt what works. When children respond positively, your partner will be noticing. Leading by example is incredibly powerful. ​ ****************** ​ Would you love to be on the same parenting page with your partner or coparent? Would you love a more peaceful, connected home? Let’s talk. Together, I’d love to help you and/or your partner break patterns that aren’t serving you and your family. Maybe you’d like to be better at staying calm and not losing your temper. Maybe your partner wants to do this. Maybe you’re fighting with your kids over every little thing. Maybe your preschooler only wants one parent, and you’re not sure how to change this pattern. Whatever the challenge is, I’d love to help create a more peaceful home for you and your family.
By Ceara Deno, MD February 3, 2025
Parents, I see you--beating yourself up. Criticizing your parenting. Feeling like a failure. I get it. I know you have impossibly high standards for yourself. Y ou want to be PERFECT. You want to get it right, the first time, every time, as a parent. I get it. You care so much, and your heart is so big and strong. Then, when you aren’t perfect, which, newsflash, WILL HAPPEN, you make it mean that you’re failing. That you’re not good enough. But this story is NOT THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU AS A PARENT. Yes, you are imperfect. (Like every person to ever exist.) And, yes, you will make mistakes. (Like every person to ever exist​.) ​ But you are lovable and perfect in your imperfection, like your child. You are learning and making mistakes, like your child. You deserve compassion and love, like your child. You can learn and grow and change, like your child. ​************ If you’re ready to ditch the guilt and shame as a parent, and grow in self-compassion and love, we should chat. I know how easy it is to judge yourself and create a shame story about yourself. But the pressure this creates doesn’t serve you, your child, or your relationship. If you’re ready to ditch the guilt and create more self-compassion, love and connection, I’d love to help. If you’re ready to hold yourself with more gentleness and understanding, let’s schedule a free call together, and create a plan for you to have more peace and connection in your home.
By Ceara Deno, MD January 27, 2025
When you and your child have a blow-up, where there was explosive anger, or you behaved in ways you regret as a parent, it can damage the relationship unless we understand how to repair afterwards. This involves taking responsibility for our part in the conflict, recommitting to the relationship, and collaborative problem-solving around what we can do differently next time.
A close up of a little girl 's face smiling.
By Ceara Deno, MD January 21, 2025
When kids are rude, it’s easy to think they are intentionally trying to be difficult and defiant. But kids are rarely rude for the reasons we think. Instead, rudeness is typically a defense against more vulnerable feelings, like pain and overwhelm. By helping kids open up, we can typically stop rudeness and help them express feelings in healthier ways.
By Ceara Deno, MD January 14, 2025
The body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.
By Ceara Deno, MD January 3, 2025
Defiance can be one of the most challenging behaviors for parents to navigate. When your highly sensitive child digs in their heels or refuses to cooperate, it’s easy to feel frustrated or unsure of what to do. But it’s important to remember that defiance is often a signal that your child is overwhelmed, scared, or struggling to express their needs. Here are 5 tips for handling defiance with your highly sensitive child.
By Ceara Deno, MD December 30, 2024
Highly sensitive kids thrive with a more gentle kind of discipline, rather than traditional strategies like time-outs or threats. Positive discipline teaches kids the skills they need to manage their emotions, make good decisions, and grow into confident, compassionate individuals. By focusing on connection, empathy, and problem-solving, you can guide your highly sensitive child in a way that strengthens your bond and builds their emotional resilience.
By Ceara Deno, MD December 19, 2024
For sensitive families, the holidays can feel like a lot. There can be a lot of overwhelm from the busy schedule, social gatherings, travel and more. If you are feeling stressed as a parent, you are not alone. Here’s what can help lower your stress level and increase your family’s joy during the holidays.
By Ceara Deno, MD December 10, 2024
If you’re raising a highly sensitive child, you’ve probably noticed how much they thrive on predictability. Change, newness, or surprises can often trigger inflexibility, meltdowns, oppositional behavior and anxiety. By creating predictable routines, we can create more peaceful, connected homes for highly sensitive kids and their families.
More Posts
Share by: