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My love letter to single and divorced parents

Ceara Deno, MD • January 2, 2021
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I see you, I know you, I love you


Dear single/divorced parent; 


I see you, I know you, I love you. 


In case you needed reminding of how amazing you really are, I made a list of just a couple of your amazing accomplishments this year:



1.  You found new dreams.  


You are the living embodiment of the phrase “life can throw you curve balls.”


After your cherished dreams for your family were upended, you found the strength to create new dreams. You found new goals and strengths, because your children needed it.  


If this isn’t modeling flexibility and resilience and strength for your children, then I don’t know what is.



2. You parented under fire.


It can be hard to coparent.  


There were times your ex-spouse criticized you, or undermined you, or played the kids off you. It’s hard enough to parent with good support, but with negative judgements, it’s easy to doubt yourself. So when you shook it off, and kept going, it was pure brilliance. 



3. You showed up Like. A. Boss. 


Everything you accomplished, you did without backup.


Who’s making dinner? Paying the bills? Putting kids to bed?  


That’s right. You did.  


Until you've been a single parent, you don't really know what it's like.  But you've shown up again and again--for your kids.


Even the days you felt exhausted, or overwhelmed, or unsure, you showed up and got it done. Like. A. Boss.  

 



4. You compromised.


Compromise can be underappreciated as a virtue. But the single/divorced parent is master of compromise because they have no choice. 


Whether it’s giving up some of your time with your children, negotiating with your ex-spouse over money, or simply running a household with one parent instead of two, the single/divorced parent knows that all solutions require compromise.  


It takes a quiet strength to compromise and stay positive, yet you did this again and again, because your kids needed it. 




5. You picked yourself up.


I know it wasn’t your plan to be a single/divorced parent. You had other dreams that involved a different, more traditional kind of family. 


But when things got hard, you picked yourself up again and again because your kids needed you.


When things got challenging, and you felt discouraged, you still picked yourself up—because you love your kids, and you would do anything for them.  





Yes, I see you, amazing, single/divorced parent. I see how strong and beautiful and resilient you are.  


If you ever forget for one minute how amazing it really is, just look at this list, and remember how much you’ve already accomplished.   


 




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A close up of a little girl 's face smiling.
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