Disrespect is a huge parenting trigger

DISRESPECT can be such a trigger. 

“Don’t talk to me that way!” we want to lecture, scold, yell.

By doing that, though, we end up creating more disconnection.

We miss the deep feelings under our child’s words, and add more fuel onto the fire of their strong feelings. 

Instead we can say, “Wow, you must be pretty upset to talk like that.”

If we are really triggered, and need to calm ourselves, we might say, “I can see how angry you are, but I don’t like being spoken to like that, so I’m going to take a walk to calm myself down.”

By recognizing the strong feelings under our child’s words, we meet our child’s deepest need to feel heard and understood. 

“That must have been hard for you.”  “I can see why you’re upset.” 

After feeling validated and not judged—“someone gets me!”—a child is better able to meet us in self-responsibility and reflection.